We all have financial goals we are trying to reach, but how can we manage these when we also have financial obligations to our families? As a first-generation college graduate and daughter of Ecuadorian immigrants, I understood early on that my success was also my family’s. After graduation, I promised my parents a list of things – new outdoor fence, remodeled kitchen, and general household repairs. Between student loan payments, saving for personal goals, and contributing to household expenses, my disposable income was smaller than I expected.

A recent report by the Institute for Policy Studies found that the median wealth of Black and Latinx households decreased by 75% and 50% respectively while White household wealth increased by 14% between 1983 and 2013. This isn’t surprising when you take into account the gender pay gap and that students of color are taking on the most student loan debt. In addition to these challenges, 69% of first-gens say they want to help their families financially, compared to 39% of non first-gens. How can we increase our wealth when we are getting paid less, owe more money, and help our families financially?

Abandoning our family responsibility is not an option in the Latinx culture. But, not taking care of your financial well being is not acceptable either. Four years after being the first in my family to graduate college and enter the corporate world, I have finally figured out how to balance these conflicting priorities.

Here are some helpful tips on how to manage your situation:

Set Expectations Accordingly

When I moved back into my parents’ house, I knew there would be an expectation to contribute to household expenses; I didn’t object. I also knew handing over cash that could be spent in ways I did not value would frustrate me and cause tension. Instead, my parents and I decided I would pay for our household utilities. This would lessen my parents’ financial burden while helping me feel like I was actively contributing to my family’s well being.

Establish Boundaries

Completely cutting our family off is not an option, however, we should still set boundaries. Without them we can expect to feel taken advantage of or helpless in our situation, which can result in feeling resentful.

Ask yourself: Will you cosign loans? Will you withdraw from your personal emergency fund? Will you lend your credit card?

Figure out your non-negotiables and make them known. In my case, I immediately made it clear that I did not feel comfortable cosigning loans of any kind. When asked, I offered to lend an appropriate and reasonable portion of the loan amount. For me, letting go of my cash does not produce the anxiety that lending my name and credit reputation would.

Create a Separate Savings Goal

What if sending family money is a non-negotiable? Creating a separate savings goal will help you manage family expectations. Determine the amount that is needed and pivot your direct deposits into a separate savings or checking account – depending on the frequency of withdrawals.

Creating a savings account strictly for family needs will help you understand what you’re comfortable with and can actually afford to lend.

Pro tip: Direct depositing straight into another account will help you save, as you’ll never miss what you didn’t know was yours in the first place.

Communicate Effectively

You run the risk of ruining relationships with a lack of communication. Now imagine adding money into the mix. Be honest with your family about your boundaries and provide the reasoning behind these emotions. When I told my family I didn’t want to cosign anything for them, I explained how hard I had been working to become debt-free and how it was affecting my mental health.

Last thing you want is your family resenting you or vice versa because of misunderstandings with money. You especially don’t want to come off as judgmental about anyone’s financial situation. Talk candidly about money and communicate exactly what the expectations are.

Find a Community

It can feel isolating and lonely when you’re strapped on your spending because you need to help support family. It doesn’t have to be that way. Be honest about your situation with friends so they know that you’re not blowing them off. Take on activities that are low-budget or free. Friendships and community don’t have to come with a high price tag.

Like with many things in life, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for others. This is also true in your finances. Be honest with yourself and your family.